Journal 9/15/1983

... faced with the vacuousness of the self, all un-moments of her stretched out for an eternity, a doomed equation where only she will equal relief & closure but she will not return, ever. Parabolas of a foolish dogged unrelenting hope threading the despair ever deeper & tighter. Something happened back then, an essential failure, an ineluctible restructuring of the heart that pumps ever down through this night & beyond. Not knowing why or what but I exist for whatever that is. And tonight, celebrate.